SJP

Dear Sarah,
We have a problem. I mean, I have a problem. With you. Now, I know we've never met, and you are probably thinking, 'wow, isn't this dude pretentious?'... Maybe, but hear me out. See, you filmed a movie recently. And, while 'sex and the city' isn't my favorite show, i don't have any giant grudge against it. Except my one complaint.
I work at a restaurant adjacent to a theater where the aforementioned film is showing. Nightly, we have large groups of women come into our restaurant. They are all markedly 'SITC' fans. They even dress like you. No problem there, I dig your sense of style. The problem, however, lies in the fact that they think that they all deserve to be treated like they ARE you. And tips? fuggedaboudit!! They are rude, obnoxious, and generally unpleasant people, at least for the time in which I am forced to be with them. Now mind you, I don't think any of these adjectives describe YOU. I think you're generally really cool, I might add. However, your inherent beauty and talent apparently inspires jealousy, which inspires mimicry, which inspires this absolutely insane celebrity complex in people who are at best mildly successful, if not just downright ordinary. So please, could you call the Hoyts cinema at the Entertainment Quarter in Sydney, Australia and advise them that all future showings of your film be cancelled? Thanks so much.
Your adoring fan,
Joshua